10 Do’s & Don’ts after break-up to save you from depression

Whether it was an amicable breakup or a painful one, heart breaks are always difficult to handle, because you invest a part of you into another person, and it gets broken. It is difficult to accept that a relationship that you once nurtured is no more a part of your life.

There have been studies that indicate that when someone is going through a breakup, the same regions of the brain are activated when an addict is going through withdrawals, making it extremely difficult for a person to cope up. Here are 10 ways that can help you to deal with break-up and save you from stress & depression associated with it. 

1. Give yourself some space: We are not saying you need to shut your ex out of your life completely but it might help you to cope up with your breakup better if you try to avoid the person for a while – online too. Try temporarily blocking him/her on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchatand also your phone (Whatsapp). Stay away from social media for a while. This will help you resist the temptation of sneaking into your ex’s life through his/her social media posts and also save you from making emotional posts that might not be correct or embarrass you in the future.

2. Talk to friends & family; Cry if you want to: Call someone who you trust, either your family member or your best buddy. Tell them what happened and if you feel like crying, cry out loud. Allow your feelings to come out in presence of your loved ones. This will help you to feel better and see your worth through their eyes when you can’t see it through yours. Knowing your worth will help you accept the situation and move ahead in life.

3. Spend good time doing what you like: Call your best friends and have them come over for lunch or dinner and spend time chatting with them. Pick up a new hobby that makes you happy. Try getting a new hair cut, go on a trip with people who love you and don’t judge you, try exercising and losing some weight, or just catch up on things you’ve always wanted to do, like join a dance class or Zumba. Yoga can be one of the things you can try, as it has many health benefits too. Even if you are feeling angry, channel your anger in right way either by exercising or doing anything that challenges your creativity.   

4. Turn your breakup into a learning experience: You might not be able to change your past but you can always learn from your mistakes in the past. Also, not necessary that you had only bad experiences in your relationship. There was a reason you were together. You would have some good memories too. Use them as blessings & learning and move ahead with positive frame of mind and hope for better life ahead.

5. See a therapists if you should: If you feel that you are unable to help yourself, see a therapist. They can offer an outsider’s perspective on your situation and suggest you the tools, resources and treatment if required to achieve mental peace and avoid further complications like depression.

Do not under any circumstances do the following:

6. Don’t be hard on yourself or your ex: If you run into your ex at some point during this ‘coping up’ period, say something like “How are you?” followed by a little bit of small talk. Avoid talking about your relationship. Also, don’t talk bad about your ex or his/her family in public. It will be uncomfortable for both of you.

7. Don’t have break-up sex, especially after months of separating from each other: Remember that you broke up for a reason and having sex with someone you are trying to get over will only worsen your emotional health. This is especially important in case of women because during sex, female body releases a hormone called oxytocin (also known as love or cuddle hormone) that makes you trust your partner even if your brain knows you should not, It also lowers your defenses, increases levels of empathy and puts you at risk for falling back in love even when the other person might be completely out of it.

8. Don’t be with someone else just to fill in the loneliness: You have just broken up, and are extremely vulnerable. You are in desperate need to feel wanted. But remember it is unfair to drag someone into your mess only to take care of your loneliness or make your ex jealous about seeing you out with someone new. This relationship is just for show and it will end, and when it ends, it will leave you in a worse situation than you were before since you didn’t let yourself heal properly.

9. Don’t fake it by making friends with benefits & one night stands: Letting everyone think you are fine by partying hard, dating multiple partners, having one night stands or making friends with benefits, will only bury your feelings deep inside till the time they rot your core. One-night stands often end up making you feel bad about yourself, and friends-with-benefits situations simply have no benefits at all. You need to address your prior relationships and end them in a healthy way. Till you do this, you will not learn how to love yourself and you will be only setting yourself up for failure in future relationships too.  

10. Don’t resort to drugs and/or alcohol: For many, drugs and alcohol are the easiest way to forget the wounds of breakup. But remember, alcohol is a depressant and drugs are that slippery slope where if you fall, it is difficult to rise up again and walk.